The Beat My Heart Forgot
by fadedhometown
Summary: How do you piece back together a life you never had? Thirteen finds solace in someone she didn't expect. A take on post Season 4 events. Thirteen/Cameron, Chapter 10 up, smut and femslash warning. Reviews greatly appreciated.
1. Falling

**Author's note**: I'm new to this whole thing, so please R&R.

**Rating**: K, for this part, it'll get saucier later, I promise.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own House, or any of his associates (I would if I had enough money.)

**Chapter 1**

She felt as though she was falling, spinning out of control, gaining momentum in that sickening, stomach-lurching spiral of fear. Rain streamed downwards and melted into her tears. She was broken and she knew it, as lost in life as those fated raindrops in the vastness of the black abyss above. Her heartbreak was underpinned, perhaps, by her realisation that she had not even been living before she knew she was dying. She had spent her entire life failing to make anything meaningful; pushing anything and anyone with a connection to her away. She had nothing and no one, and all she wanted now was to feel. To feel something; a hand in hers, a pair of eyes that weren't afraid to look and to keep on looking even when she looked away. There was an ache somewhere in her body, or maybe it was in her whole body, that never ceased, and had multiplied a thousand times in the hour that had passed since she had looked at that piece of paper. She needed to feel the rain pouring down on her, its beating sheets like a heartbeat of company in her desolation.

"Dr Hadley?" a hesitant voice called out to her. Thirteen could hardly bear to look around. She didn't know what she had expected really, the bench outside the hospital entrance was not the most private location for an emotional breakdown.

"Remy. . .?" the voice called out again, approaching her from behind. Thirteen clasped her hands in front of her and stared at them, unsure as to whether she could handle a conversation at this moment.

Dr Allison Cameron climbed up to sit next to her on the back of the bench, her feet resting on the seat below, hands clasping the wood to steady herself.

"Are you okay?" Cameron asked softly, her face shocked to see the distress so obvious not only on Thirteen's face, but also in her posture, her body stiff and shivering. She was soaked to the bone, and dripping, which looked now to be Cameron's fate.

"What's wrong?" Cameron asked gently, her closest hand coming to rest on Thirteen's shoulder, the raindrops now falling on Cameron's exposed skin. Her compassion caused Thirteen to look away suddenly, and Cameron knew she was crying again when she felt the shoulder tremble and shake beneath her hand, heard Thirteen attempt to choke back the tears, and to hide her face in her hands. Cameron's gesture had reminded Thirteen once again of the lonely, self-contained farce that she called her life, and she cried like a child remembering that she had not let anyone touch her like this in a long time.

"Hey, it's okay," Cameron whispered, as she moved closer. Thirteen felt arms envelope her, a warmth as Cameron held her, and rocked her back and forth.

"It's okay, I'm not gonna leave you." she said soothingly, tears welling in her own eyes. In her darkness, Thirteen grieved, for all those lost years she had missed, and all those lost years she would never have. Cameron stroked her hair, not knowing what else to say, not knowing whether to ask. And when Thirteen opened her eyes and looked up at her, Cameron knew that this went deeper than she would ever know. She couldn't begin to understand the terrible aching yearn of regret she saw framed by those long, wet eyelashes; Thirteen's wide eyes themselves the colour of heavy, bruised rainclouds in a darkening sky.

"You can't stay here, like this," Cameron reinforced, slowly, "I'm gonna take you home now, or you'll catch pneumonia."

"I'm so sorry," Thirteen said throatily, "I . . ." her voice trailing to a whisper.

"You don't have to explain," Cameron replied, "but you have to get out of this rain before you freeze."

Cameron stepped down from the bench, and reached out to hold Thirteen's grasped hands in her own. She separated them, and held both softly, pulling Thirteen down. Thirteen allowed herself to be guided, supported by Cameron's arm around her waist, into the shelter of Cameron's car. Cameron opened the passenger door, and helped Thirteen inside, leading the other woman like a child. She opened the driver's door, and climbed inside, her face concerned for the woman sat next to her who was staring out of the window. She shut the door, and started the engine hesitantly.

The soft hum and whir of the engine and the rain against the outside of the car felt like a finality to Thirteen. She wondered if this was what it would feel like to be in space, in one of those little capsules, locked away in a vacuum where nothing could touch you and time seemed to stop.

"I have Huntington's." she said, her gaze still fixed at an eternal point out of the window.

She could almost hear Cameron's intake of breath, almost feel Cameron's horror, feel her resolve to say something.

"I'm so sorry." Cameron whispered, breaking the silence. "Did you just find out today?"

"Yeah." Thirteen looked up at her, a small smile of irony and fear gracing her beautiful, stricken face, before looking down at her hands.

"I'm so sorry," Cameron repeated, a sick, bleak feeling taking over her whole body, a pointless, desolate fear washing over her in waves. "Would you, I mean, would you like to. . . if you didn't want, you could stay with me tonight?"

Thirteen paused to consider whether she wanted to be alone again, alone in the endless monotony of loneliness that she had felt for so long. "Okay," she said in a small voice.

They reached Cameron's apartment, and both stepped out of the car, shell-shocked and weak. Cameron wrapped her arm around the younger doctor, and led her up the stairs to her apartment. She unlocked the door, switched on the light and turned around to find Thirteen standing, like an island, lost in the middle of the room, rivulets of water still running from her thin shirt and onto the carpet. Cameron's heart jumped a little, she felt a longing, some sort of innate sensibility to protect the other woman from harm. She felt anger as she realised that all the harm that would hurt Thirteen was there in her body, a ticking time bomb, with every breath, every heartbeat bringing her closer to the end. She wondered if that was the reason she had invited her; her subconscious need to surround herself with broken people, surround herself with their repugnancy that, in her eyes, seemed to have a kind of artful beauty.

"I'll get you a towel," Cameron said, coming out of her reverie, "and some clean clothes." She disappeared into her bedroom, her actions quick and deliberate, reluctant to leave Thirteen by herself for long. She came back into the room to find Thirteen still standing, all traces of her tears gone from her face, her hands firmly rooted in her front pockets.

"Here," Cameron handed the towel, t-shirt and sweatpants to Thirteen, "I'll go and make some coffee for us." Thirteen replied with a fleeting smile, so brief that Cameron thought she might have imagined it.

Cameron left to make the coffee, and Thirteen began to change. She sat down on the sofa when she was finished, and quietly awaited Cameron's return. So many thoughts ran through her head, it began to pound incessantly with their intensity. She didn't know what to do with herself, this was clearly a time meant for reflection, contemplation, perhaps to gaze into the mirror and form some ludicrous musing that had no relevance to real life. But all she could feel was numb, she felt the coldness returning, seeping over her mind, her face becoming expressionless.

She felt movement beside her as Cameron sat down, and placed a mug of hot coffee into her hands. Cameron didn't look at her, which she was grateful for.

"It doesn't have to be this difficult, you know?" Cameron said slowly, wondering at her own audacity. "You should let someone else take some of the. . . weight of it. I know talking about it is clichéd and you're probably going to walk straight out of that door, but you don't have to."

Cameron took a sip of her coffee, and turned to face Thirteen, who was still silent. Thirteen knew she had opened up too much, she felt herself paddling backwards furiously, trying to reign herself in, to bottle back those emotions that she had allowed to diffuse from that dark place where she kept them, paralysed.

"Yes, I do, need to go." Thirteen answered, playing true to a lifetime of running. "Erm, thank you, I'll return your clothes."

She stood up, avoiding Cameron's eyes, and began to leave, opening the door and stepping through the doorway.

Cameron looked down at the cup in her hands.

"I don't remember ever crying." Thirteen stated, her voice breaking slightly, her hand still on the open door. "Apart from what you just saw, obviously. I didn't know I could."

Cameron looked up at her, and their eyes met, a moment neither would forget. She stood up, and reached around Thirteen to close the door.

"You'd be surprised what tears can heal. And sleep, for that matter." Cameron said sensitively. She led Thirteen into her bedroom, their hands firmly clasped. She pulled back the quilt cover, and motioned for Thirteen to lie down. Cameron pulled the cover over the other woman's body, and went around to the empty side, getting in herself.

They lay there for minutes in silence, the rain pouring and dripping onto the rooftop and tricking down the glass window in twisted and knotted rivers. Thirteen held Cameron's hand tightly, and only relaxed as her breathing began to slow and soften. And as she stared at the ceiling, Cameron's eyes were as wet and dark as the sky outside.


	2. The Fine Line

**Warning: **Spoiler's for Wilson's Heart.

**Rating: **T for a bit of swearing, I guess.

**Author's note: **Thanks to anyone who reviewed the last chapter. This one will hopefully be a bit less dark and depressing. Please R&R.

**Disclaimer: **I wish I did, but I own no one from House. They all belong to Fox. And I don't own Kiera Knightley either. Or Robin Williams.

**

* * *

**

Chapter 2

Thirteen woke up feeling strange and disorientated. She felt heavy with the sudden influx of thoughts, as memories of the previous day began to surface. As her eyes adapted to the surreal morning half-light, and the dappled patterns of grey and white it formed on the ceiling, she passed a hand over her face, rubbing her temples. It took her a full minute to figure out where she was, since it had been a long time since she had slept in someone else's bed. She was a 'stay five minutes and leave' kind of girl. The bed was empty beside her, but she had no time to wonder at where Cameron had gone before the bathroom door opened and Cameron appeared, towel drying her long hair. Thirteen's heart skipped a beat, despite images of last night invading her vision.

"Good morning," Cameron said, smiling warmly, "how long have you been awake?"

"Literally a second," Thirteen replied, smiling in return, and sitting up in the bed. She felt more comfortable now after her initial confusion; Cameron smiling at her in that way certainly helped. She hadn't woken up alone, which was odd, but not in a bad way.

Cameron's face changed a little, the glow that was present with her smile faded as her expression turned to one of concern. "I didn't know. . . if you were planning on going into work today?"

"Yeah, I think I will," Thirteen looked at the floor, a steely determination on her face, "I don't know what else I'd do, to be honest." She glanced up at Cameron, and gave her a small smile, her eyes locked with Cameron's.

"Okay, we can go together then," Cameron suggested, her features relaxing from their worried frown. "Do you want to have a shower?"

"Yes, please, if that's alright?"

"Of course," Cameron replied, "In fact, you can wear some of my clothes if you like."

Cameron made two cups of coffee, and read part of the biomedical journal that had come in the post that morning, her thoughts not entirely on the page. She looked up as Thirteen came out of the bathroom, her hair washed and wearing Cameron's clothes, a white fitted blouse and black pinstriped trousers.

Cameron laughed lightly, "Don't look so self-conscious, you look good! It's nice to have someone to share clothes with actually, I've never really had anyone to do that with."

"Well, I'm glad to be of assistance," Thirteen smiled.

"Coffee?" Cameron asked, "And there's bagels or toast or cereal if you want it?"

"Just coffee, thanks." Thirteen sat down opposite Cameron on the table.

Cameron handed her the cup and put her journal to one side. "So, what do you think you'll be doing today, with House still hospitalised?"

"Probably clinic duty," Thirteen stated, thinking aloud, "unless Cuddy has a patient for us, which I doubt she will. Things will be weird I guess, with Amber. . ." Her voiced trailed to a stop.

"Yeah," Cameron replied, her eyes searching Thirteen's face, "things will probably be different."

"And for me," Thirteen added softly, "I guess." She paused, thinking deeply, before looking into Cameron's eyes. "I want to thank you. . ."

"There's no need, it's been my job for a long time, and more than that, I can't help myself really."

"Well, I want to thank you anyway, yesterday was. . . I don't know how to explain what yesterday was." Thirteen gestured, trying to convey emotions she had never tried to explain before. "I'm grateful because people have always accepted my bullshit about running away, and you're the first person who's tried to stop me, and well, I'm grateful because I needed someone last night, and you cared enough to. . ." her face became exasperated as she lost the words she meant to say.

"You should know that's my label by now," Cameron said, "You can't work for House and not know what he says about me. And honestly, I wasn't going to let you go home like that by yourself."

"Well, to say thank you, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" Thirteen asked.

"Yeah," Cameron replied, "that would be great."

They both smiled shyly, and a current of understanding passed between them. Cameron took both cups over to the sink, and Thirteen prepared her bag. Cameron opened the front door, and the two doctors left to drive to work.

* * *

She didn't know why she went there. It wasn't as though she could do anything. He was asleep, his usual piercing stare unable to cut right through her, tell her what she needed to do to carry on, to make it all not about that piece of paper. She needed him to wake up and shout at her and call her useless unless she carried on, to say that everyone died and that it could be tomorrow or in decades. She needed those blue eyes to open and scorch her and remind her that she mattered no more than anyone else. She'd known anyway, she realised, she'd somehow known all those years, some part of her body had been sending silent signals to her for a long time. It was time she stopped and faced the fact that she wasn't invincible, no one ever could be, and running away could never change that.

"You're looking at me as though you'd like to have sex with me more than Kiera Knightley. Which I highly doubt. She's poutilicious."

She didn't laugh.

"So you're positive." It was a statement rather than a question. She didn't reply. "I knew you'd fold." he said. His voice was weaker than usual, less energetic, and less cartoonishly expressive. "If you're going to complain so loudly about the unfairness of life you could at least go and do it in Cuddy's office. Then she might feel sorry for you and ask you to be in her new porno. Which I have pre-ordered."

Thirteen turned away.

"Thirteen," he said, more loudly, looking through her with those dazzling eyes, "it could still be tomorrow."

Her mouth dropped in amazement. She nodded slowly with understanding, almost ironically amused that he may as well have been Robin Williams in that film she'd seen, shouting 'carpe diem' from the top of a school desk. He closed his eyes again. She turned around and walked away.

* * *

Cameron felt a complete inability to concentrate on anything all day; she felt as though her mind was drowning like it never had before. She had to ask 3 nurses to repeat what they'd said to her. All she could see was Thirteen's face and the way she'd looked at her with that quiet desperation, and held her hand so tightly as she fell asleep. She cursed herself for thinking it, but she couldn't stop contemplating how brave she was, and how lost she was, and how holding her hand made her feel both more out of her depth and at home than she'd ever felt before.

She was handing a chart to one of the nurses when she saw Thirteen from across the room, walking through the clinic entrance. Thirteen's eyes sought her out, and she came over to Cameron. Thirteen spoke as she approached, "Cuddy just assigned Kutner and Taub to clinic hours and me to the ER until either House is recovered or we get a patient whose life hangs on a thread. Her words exactly."

Cameron smiled, and mentally cursed herself for being momentarily thankful that House was bedridden. "Okay, there's a patient complaining of a headache and abdominal pain in Curtain 4, you wanna take that?"

"Sure," Thirteen replied, "I'll go take a look."

"Okay, I'll just be filling out some paperwork at the nurses station if you need me."

"Okay, and, Cameron?" Thirteen questioned. Cameron looked up. "Are we still on for tonight?"

Cameron felt her smile envelope her whole face. "Of course. And you can call me Allison." she said. Thirteen smiled back, not a brief but lingering smile, so that Cameron was sure she had not imagined it.

Cameron sat down at the nurses desk, her pen hovering above her paper. Her eyes found Thirteen, as she sat down next to the patient, and began to take a history. Thirteen laughed as the man made a joke, and moved her hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. Cameron found herself watching, and as she continued to look, she became more unable to draw her eyes away. She knew she had to stop watching. Thirteen's feline eyes darted to and from the man's face as she made notes, her concentration apparent.

Cameron sighed and, just as she was about to look down, Thirteen glanced her way. Their eyes met for a moment, both serious and steady. Then Cameron broke the connection, her face flushed with embarrassment. Her heartbeat was racing and her blood streamed through her body with a hot, tingling intensity. She couldn't believe this was happening.

Thirteen wondered if it was getting increasingly hot in the ER. She had to ask the man to repeat his last sentence.

**The next chapter promises some more action. Well, slightly. We'll call it sexual tension, not to get any hopes up.**


	3. Kind of Like a Date?

**Rating**: T, probably, although I always forget what they mean.

**Author's note**: Thanks for the reviews, please keep R&R_ing_, I like to hear what you've got to say! And just for reference, I don't even smoke. And I like Remy better than Rema, so I'll just stick to that until the matter's been resolved.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House, blah, blah.

**Chapter 3**

Thirteen was going to finish five minutes early, damn the consequences. Speaking a few words to her last patient, she looked over towards Cameron, who was now deep in a consult with another ER doctor, examining a young boy's fractured leg. She found a piece of paper and a pen, and hastily scribbled a note. She glanced over at Cameron again, unwilling to disturb her, and walked through the sweeping double doors to the female changing rooms. She found the locker named 'Dr Allison Cameron' and fixed the note to the door with one of her hair pins.

She left via the back exit doors, into the cold. Her hands thrust into her coat pockets; she decided to walk, rather than catch the bus, thinking it would probably take the same time anyway. The flashing neon lights of an off-license caught her eye, and she surprised herself by stopping and buying a packet of cigarettes. She never smoked, not at least since high school, but it was strange, that feeling running through her, that wanting; a steady, growing need to experience something, something exhilarating.

She found it repugnant that she took pleasure from it. More than pleasure, it was a calm, breathless delight that appealed incessantly to all of her senses. Inhaling slowly, the acrid taste sour in a way that was almost sexual, she felt a solitary moment of connection. She was afraid if she exhaled she would lose it, break it, drop it in its fragility. She wondered if she held her breath forever would she feel more alive. The air around her seemed sharper than usual, no dusky impurities, but a thin languid ocean of channels and currents all as quenching in their blackness.

Inhaling once more, she threw the cigarette onto the concrete below, vowing not to smoke again. She opened her front door, and walked into her bedroom, lying back on the bed. In the all familiar piecing together of her thoughts, she felt the inevitable of her muscles relaxing, a feeling so acute she failed to understand how something so passive could cause such a reaction. She wanted to remember her body like this, this raw and real. She felt a momentary thrill at the thought of dinner with Cameron, and chose to put all thoughts of Chase out of her mind.

* * *

Cameron was finished in the ER, she tossed her papers aside almost rebelliously; she didn't know what had come over her. She looked around for Thirteen, but couldn't see her anywhere. She called out a good night goodbye to the staff, and went to change out of her scrubs. Her face lit up with a smile when she saw the note clipped to her locker.

_Allison,_

_I didn't want to disturb you, I finished a little early and went home to get changed._

_Not that I don't love wearing your pants._

_I'll pick you up tonight at 8._

_Remy x_

Cameron didn't know how she could explain the sudden warmth that seemed to embrace her whole body. Her smile dropped as she remembered her plans with Chase. She should call Chase and tell him she wouldn't be coming over tonight. Damn, _Chase_. She realised she hadn't thought about him all day.

Picking up her cell phone, she dialled his number. He answered, his voice a little disappointed when she told him she had dinner plans.

"Don't get too drunk," he laughed quietly, "and definitely no crystal meth!"

She laughed and told him he had nothing to worry about, and echoed him when he said he loved her.

She changed out of her scrubs, and closed her locker, smiling again at the note, before putting it in her jeans pocket. A small image of Thirteen wearing her pants this morning came to mind, with her hair wet and in ringlets. She felt herself hoping that the warm blood cursing through her body and the continual desire to laugh out loud were just admiration for Thirteen's style. She looked good in those pants, right. Yeah, she'd look good out of them too but. . . Cameron stopped. Her heart beating a little faster, she knew she wasn't going to be able to hope her way out of this one.

She sat down suddenly, a thought crossing her mind. House had joked about a week ago that he would give her his monthly subscription to Playboy if she would make out with Thirteen. She hadn't thought it weird at the time, House had certainly made much stranger comments, but she could remember thinking his following sentence was odd:

"Thirteen would give you a lot more than a magazine if you'd make out with her," he'd said, holding the image of a topless woman over his mouth and opening his eyes wide and teasing, the magazine muffling his voice, "she's in need of some lady lovin'."

And then there was the time when he's asked Thirteen how her love life was going, whilst they were all in his office, and then demanded that she sit next to Cameron, winking furiously all the while. Certainly that was persistent, even for House.

She didn't know what to think. Perhaps Thirteen would be interested. But it was hardly the most appropriate time, just after she had found out about her Huntington's. And, of course, she was going out with Chase anyway, she reminded herself. Chase; her steady, solid boyfriend of a year.

"Shit." she said aloud, before leaving to go home and get changed.

* * *

Since Cameron's house wasn't far from her own, Thirteen thought she would walk again, thinking then that they could both drink wine at the restaurant. She had reserved a table at a beautiful little Italian place a few minutes walk away. It bordered on the park, and the view from the upstairs corner table was picturesque, if not unexpected.

Cameron answered her door quickly, with a huge smile, looking flustered and a little embarrassed.

"Hi," she said, "I'll just be a second, I've just got to get my bag. Come in."

"You look great," Thirteen beamed, stepping closer, surprised at how happy she was feeling. She couldn't help but look Cameron up and down as she walked through the door, trying to hide her sudden feeling of light-headedness. Her eyes widened as she took in Cameron's tight black pencil skirt and sleeveless top, images of slamming the door shut and slamming Cameron up against it flickering through her mind. But she just held onto the door for extra support, feeling like she needed it.

"So do you." Cameron replied, her eyes boring into Thirteen's white shirt, opened dangerously low, and her black, drainpipe jeans. She blinked slowly as she tried to contain the small tortured groan that seemed to involuntarily occur, and ended up sighing as a compromise.

After a second of staring, both women tore their eyes away, feeling hot and flushed, neither daring to make eye-contact.

Cameron reached over for her coat, and put it on slowly, her nimble fingers as they buttoned not failing to catch Thirteen's attention. Thirteen wasn't sure how she was going to get through dinner without saying something stupid.

"The restaurant's a few minutes walk away, do you mind?" Thirteen asked.

"No, I feel like some fresh air actually." Cameron replied, hoping she might cool down a little.

Cameron smiled up at her as a signal that she was ready, and rested her bag on her shoulder. They left the apartment, both in silence, and descended down the steps.

"How was your day?" Thirteen asked, eager to break the silence before the tension became unbearable. She found herself cursing Chase, and his manliness, and wondering if Cameron wasn't as straight as she had initially thought. She was certainly open about everyone she met; she seemed to love her patients without question, unconditionally even. Thirteen found herself hoping that she was as open about attraction as she was about her patients; perhaps if she liked someone it didn't matter what gender they were. Perhaps it didn't matter, if she was willing to overlook other things. She loved broken people, House had said, no matter who they were.

"Long," Cameron laughed, "as always. As I'm sure you understand."

"Yeah, you can say that again," Thirteen answered, laughing, as they began to walk.

Cameron paused for a second, "How was yours?"

"It was . . . bizarre, actually," Thirteen replied, "It wasn't even bad, it was kind of strange, I felt sort of free, you know, I think maybe it was the right thing to do, testing myself."

"It was very brave," Cameron contemplated, her tone serious.

"No, it was foolish of me not to have done it five years ago, ten years ago. I think I've probably missed out on a lot."

"There's still time," Cameron said gently, "you've still got time."

"Yeah, I guess I have . . ." Thirteen said thoughtfully, her low voice unusually filled with emotion.

"What about your family?" Cameron asked, "Will you tell them?"

"Well, there's only my dad really," Thirteen said, gesturing, "and we haven't been close for a long time. He works a lot. My mum's death really sort of finished him, you know? He wasn't the same after that, just more distant really. I don't know if I could bear to tell him."

"I understand," Cameron whispered.

"Anyway," Thirteen said, more positively, "let's talk about something else. Where did you grow up?"

"Minnesota," Cameron replied, pausing as Thirteen stopped, glancing up at the building in front of them.

"We're here," Thirteen said, waiting for Cameron's verdict.

"Wow," Cameron exclaimed, her eyebrows raised, "this is amazing." She felt something in her melt a little, as she looked at the candlelit tables inside; her resolve to keep pretending she loved Chase; her resolve to keep everything neat and tidy and constant. She had once told House that not all change was bad, so why was she so afraid to follow her own advice?

Cameron was suddenly fearful that Thirteen would see the corners of her mouth turning upwards, that she would understand that it was all because of her. She felt her eyebrows rise again as she saw Thirteen smile back, and when she looked into Thirteen's eyes she didn't know if she saw longing there or if they were just reflecting back her own.

* * *

They were seated at the corner table of the top floor, next to a wide window giving panoramic views of the park outside, the darkness in the room suffused with a soft light from the candles and lanterns hung from the walls.

"This really is beautiful." Cameron said, looking around to appreciate the room, before gazing outside at the view, "How on earth did you find it?"

"A friend took me here, he's obsessed with this kind of thing. He used to make me come here with him just so he could sneak photographs of the place."

Cameron felt a twinge of jealousy, and then a sudden panic as she felt her voice speaking almost involuntarily, "A friend? Or your boyfriend?"

Thirteen laughed. Perhaps Cameron wasn't as straight as she thought she was. But she still had a boyfriend, she had to remind herself. "My friend." she said, "He's gay actually, really into art and photography, and he moved to New York a few months ago."

Cameron hoped her sigh of relief wasn't audible. "So Remy, what do you think of working for House?"

"I like it, I think. It's a challenge; it's certainly like nothing I've ever done before." She laughed out loud, her eyes looking beyond Cameron for a moment. "You can never forget the stakes, not for a minute. I think I almost like him, you know, he's not always what he pretends to be, underneath all the crap."

"Yeah, it took me a long time to figure that out." Cameron responded, "But I'll never know who he is really, I don't know if anyone ever will. But anyone who comes into any real contact with him knows there's more to him than he wants people to know. We just don't know what that is."

"You _like_ him?" Thirteen asked quietly, silently hoping the answer was a no.

Cameron paused. "I used to. I thought I used to. But now I think it was mainly about the power, the control. He had power over me and I liked that, I guess. I think I'm looking for something different now." Her voice slowed; as she thought about how far she'd come since she'd left House.

"And you have that with Dr Chase?"

Cameron's eyes widened. That was the second time she'd forgotten about Chase that day. "I. . ." she began.

"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked, notepad in hand. Cameron sighed.

Both women ordered the salad, and red wine to drink, laughing at their similar taste.

"House always used to accuse me of being too thin." Cameron stated, "I bet you get that too?"

"Yeah, but I actually eat so much, you wouldn't believe it," Thirteen replied.

"Well I'm definitely not on a diet," Cameron joked.

Thirteen took a mental image. She wanted to remember that second, Cameron's eyes as she laughed, the gold of the lighting bathing her skin so that it glowed, the flash of the crystal necklace that gently lay against the gap in between her neck and her collarbone; the way her skin seemed impossibly soft and her hands incredibly smooth as she played with the rim of her wine glass.

Thirteen wondered if her life would be a series of photographs like this one.

Cameron felt nervous, and excited. She wanted to blame the wine for the fiery flow of her blood through her veins, the knock of her heart as it beat against her ribs. She felt Thirteen's leg accidentally touch hers under the table, and thought there were more neurones firing impulses through her body than there were stars in the sky.

"Sorry." Thirteen smiled awkwardly.

Cameron reached over and laid a hand on Thirteen's. It was a thing she knew she shouldn't do, a momentary reflex that didn't seem to travel through her brain at all. Thirteen's mouth dropped a little in surprise, and Cameron quickly drew her hand away.

"I'm sorry, I. . ."

Thirteen reached for her hand as she moved it away, and held it. They both looked down at their clasped hands. Thirteen couldn't remember ever feeling so awake, almost drunk on adrenaline. In a daring move, she slowly spread her finger and interlinked them softly between Cameron's. Cameron's eyes opened wider, darkening, as her pupils dilated and her lips parted in a silent gasp. Thirteen's eyes never left hers as she began to intertwine their fingers, Cameron's breathing becoming increasingly rapid as she drew lazy circles on her palm, and traced the contours of her wrist.

"Two cob salads." the waiter stated as he approached, laying down the plates. "Any more wine?"

"Yes," both women stated in unison.

* * *

**Sorry it was long, I considered cutting it in two, but where's the fun in that? I promise a bit (_a lot_) of smut for the next chapter, honestly.**


	4. Lust, Caution

**Rating**: M for smutttt, girl!sex and language.

**Author's note**: Thank you for the lovely reviews, particularly SoNotEmo and WonderousPlaceForAnEcho, it means a lot to me that you're enjoying it. Feedback would be greatly appreciated as I'm not sure how long this story should be, let me know if you think I should continue.

**Disclaimer:** The only House I own is the one on my T shirt.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

The walk back to Cameron's apartment felt endless, the silence broken only by intermittent conversation. Both women knew how this night should end, with a goodbye at the door. They walked separately, both conscious not to touch the other after the events at the restaurant. Somehow they could blame that on the wine, the atmosphere, one friend reaching out for the other, not entirely platonic but the actions of two lost people searching for something. But the coldness of the night air had brought with it the clarity of the situation, the responsibilities and the consequences.

Thirteen's head was spinning, as she tried to keep all sexual thoughts from flickering across her vision. She bit her lip to distract herself from the sudden image of pinning Cameron against the wall that she had imagined earlier that night. Cameron, walking alongside her, was similarly attempting to ignore the seething desire flooding her body with previously unknown longings; she felt parts of her body she didn't even know existed come alive with a thirst she'd never felt before. She couldn't even look at Thirteen, one glance at her hands, her long nimble fingers, left her aching with imaginings of the things they could do to her.

They slowed as they approached Cameron's apartment.

"I'll walk you to your door," Thirteen suggested, and followed Cameron up the steps to the apartment door.

Cameron turned around, her big eyes pools of darkness and expectation. She knew Thirteen would be able to see her chest rise and fall, and yet she felt she couldn't breathe as she looked at her.

Thirteen knew she had to do the right thing, she knew she had to step away. The blood pounding inside her head, filling her ears with a surreal, deafening sound heightened all her other senses. She could almost feel the air Cameron was breathing against her face, her eyes caught the full, moist texture of Cameron's lips and she knew that this was the hardest decision she would ever make.

"Goodnight," she said firmly and sadly, "and thank you for tonight. I had a wonderful time."

She tried to ignore the look in Cameron's face as she spoke, the disappointment that was so evident in the soft drop of her mouth, the fading sparkle and shine of her eyes as her hope ebbed away.

Cameron hesitated, "Yes, Goodnight, and thank you." She paused, her voice breaking slightly, "I guess I'll see you on Monday."

"I'll be there." Thirteen replied. And as she turned, she felt almost as if there was an invisible force making her movements slow and difficult, a magnetic strength pulling her back, drawing her in.

She stepped down the first step backwards, still looking at Cameron.

Cameron slowly closed the door as she watched Thirteen leaving.

Thirteen felt her feet hit the concrete of the street below, unaware of how she got there. What was she doing? Was she actually throwing away a chance with the only person who had ever cared and with whom she felt special, normal, right?

Her legs were propelling her up the stairs before she even knew she had made a decision. She had no idea why she was running. Her breath became more than rapid and she knew she needed a whole lot more oxygen than she was currently inhaling. Her hand trembled as she reached up and rang the doorbell. There was a noise from inside, an unlocking of the door.

Her eyes met Cameron's for a second, and then they were kissing, hard. Thirteen's hands tangled in Cameron's hair, her hands pulling her closer, pulling her mouth more onto hers, her lips pressed more against her own, their tongues clashing for dominance. Their breath merged as they both gasped into the kiss, fighting for air but unable to stop. Thirteen pinned Cameron against the door and Cameron moaned into her, at Thirteen's body pressed against her own, at the feel of her chest against hers and her hipbones meeting hers in just the right way.

Cameron felt her hands on Thirteen's face, her neck, stroking her and gasping into her hair as her body came alive at Thirteen's touch. She felt her body begin to hum and tingle, lower and lower as Thirteen traced kisses over her neck, her jaw line; her body shuddered as Thirteen kissed her way up her chin, and when their lips met again, not even kissing but just touching, open, breathing into each other as if they didn't know where to begin.

Thirteen's hands were on Cameron's waist, moving downwards to the hem of her top, and reaching inside, her fingers dancing along Cameron's taught abdomen, the muscles quivering under her touch as she reached the top of her pants, sweeping over her hipbones. Cameron moaned involuntarily, and Thirteen laughed softly into her hair.

Cameron suddenly grasped Thirteen's hands, and walked Thirteen backwards, pinning her arms up above her head and against the wall behind her. She leaned into Thirteen, their bodies impossibly close, moulding into each other. Cameron kissed Thirteen again, just as hard, her hands gliding up Thirteen's arms and running her fingers over her wrists, before sliding down to her waist and pulling her body closer.

Cameron drew back from the kiss, looking at Thirteen's lust-filled eyes. "God, do you know how much I wanted to fuck you all night?"

Thirteen's expression was a mixture of serious and teasing. "Definitely less than I've been wanting you to fuck me all night."

Cameron smiled, her eyes heavy and full of desire.

Thirteen kissed Cameron again, her hands resuming their dance along Cameron's hipbones. She eased her top upwards, sliding it over Cameron's stomach as she gazed at her body, over her head and threw it on the floor, forgotten. Her hands roamed over Cameron's skin, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

Cameron slid her hands down from Thirteen's face, over the pulse point on her neck, stopping just above her breasts to unbutton her shirt. Her hands were clumsy, trembling with adrenaline and anxiety. She slipped Thirteen's shirt down her arms, touching her everywhere in her desperation to cover every part of her, to learn every bit of her by heart.

Cameron kissed her again, as they stumbled and half fell into her bedroom, trapping Thirteen under her on the bed. They both felt a rush of electricity as silken skin met silken skin, hands hurrying to undo bra straps. Neither of them were sure who moaned first, or whether they both had. Cameron felt her skirt being unzipped, and pushed it down so that she was just in her black lacy underwear. She knew she'd never been as wet as this in her life, and she could feel hot liquid seeping from her as she kissed Thirteen's neck and then her collarbone. Her lips felt swollen as she placed a trail of breathy kisses over Thirteen's breasts, encircling her nipples with her lips, feeling Thirteen's chest rise and fall deeply with her rapid, shallow breathing. She traced the line down her stomach, lower and lower, placing a kiss on the inside of each hip, before slowly unzipping the black jeans, and pulling them off, along with her underwear.

She looked up at Thirteen as she slowly spread her legs, gliding her fingers up the soft skin of her thighs, higher and higher until Thirteen was aching for her touch. Cameron placed a soft kiss on Thirteen's core, sliding up her body and pinning her down, kissing her again, their skin both so hot and close that she wasn't sure where she began and Thirteen ended. She spread her legs to straddle Thirteen, and moaned in surprise as she felt Thirteen turn her over on the bed, switching their places. Kissing Cameron's breasts and stomach, she pulled her underwear down slowly, her eyes meeting Cameron's. Kissing up her legs, she placed a kiss on Cameron's thigh teasingly, before softly kissing her wet velvet folds. She could feel Cameron arch and gasp at her touch, at her skilful tongue as she licked her clit; Cameron's hands gripping her shoulder as she sighed in pleasure.

She drew her body up along Cameron's, feeling her warmth, her heat beneath her, wanting to make her fall apart with ecstasy. They kissed again, the heat never fading for a moment. She positioned her leg in between Cameron's, and slowly moved into Cameron, feeling her slickness, her want for her, her hipbone stimulating Cameron in just the right place.

"Fuck. . ." Cameron moaned, moving her hip into Thirteen's centre.

"You can say that again." Thirteen gasped.

Thirteen paused for a second, her eyes looking deep into Cameron's, questioning.

And all she saw there was a desire, a trust, an unquestioning honesty that filled her with such tenderness that she could barely look at Cameron, but couldn't draw her eyes away. She skimmed her hands along Cameron's burning skin, descending, before slowly circling her clit and pushing two fingers into her velvet core. Cameron groaned, arching her back into Thirteen, her eyes wide and dark. Thirteen slid her fingers deep into her body, again and again, her palm teasing Cameron's clit, her leg moving and thrusting with her hand, further and further into Cameron.

Cameron was speechless, her nails digging into Thirteen's back as she moved against her, her hips gyrating against Thirteen's as she felt the heat build up inside of her. She reached between them, lower and lower until she could feel Thirteen, and slid two of her own fingers into her, deeper and deeper with each thrust, her own desire increasing as she felt Thirteen moan onto her skin and her lust-filled eyes gaze into hers. She ran her thumb over Thirteen's clit, and kissed her. They could both feel electricity coursing through them, both gasping into each other as they were finally overtaken by the sweet release of their orgasm, their eyes holding on to each other's until they were left breathless, kissing each other tenderly and panting for air.

Thirteen lay down beside Cameron, her arms encircling her and holding her, still breathless.

"I can't believe I nearly let you go." she said, stroking Cameron's arm lightly.

"Neither can I." Cameron said as she turned and kissed her, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

* * *

**Okay, that was fun. I hope you enjoyed it ;) in more ways than one.**


	5. The Make and the Break

**Rating**: **STILL M.**

**Author's note**: Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews, please keep the feedback coming. I've decided to make this a relatively long story if the interest is still there.

**Chapter 5**

Thirteen felt a jolt in her stomach as she awoke. Turning to look at the sprawl of arms and legs and naked skin, her body relaxed and she smiled. Gazing at Cameron with a secret pleasure that she was allowed to, she thought how innocent she looked in her sleep; none of the furrowed brow and wide-eyed concern usually seen were present. Instead there was a quiet and languid softness, but still there was that trust, that infamous trust that plagued and owned every aspect of Cameron's life.

Thirteen leaned over to slowly stroke the top of her arm, being careful not to wake her. She just wanted to touch her, to remind herself that this was reality. She never thought she would be here, in someone's bed, as someone's lover. She wondered how things would work now – now that she and Cameron had slept together; now that Cameron had cheated on Chase; now that she felt these incredible life-altering feelings that she never thought she would allow herself to feel. It was all a cascade of unstoppable and unending feelings, so much that she felt almost a physical pain, a longing ache of normality, and she knew it was the beginnings of love. And she was certain, without even thinking about it, that she could get so hurt in this, so much more damaged than just being alone to live and die as she'd planned since her mother had gone.

Cameron opened her eyes slowly, sleepily, a small, shy smile enveloping her face. Thirteen smiled back down at her as she felt the warmth of Cameron light her up on the inside.

"Good morning," Cameron whispered, still smiling.

"Good morning." Thirteen replied, feeling a little light-headed.

Cameron rolled over onto her side, touching Thirteen's arm. She sat up in the bed, barely bothering to cover herself with the sheet.

Her eyes, despite the previous night's exertions, were sparkling. She placed a small, lingering kiss on the corner of Thirteen's mouth, which caused Thirteen to start grinning stupidly.

"We should probably talk." Thirteen said, her eyes following her own hands as she played with the sheet, "Not necessarily now. . ."

"We can talk now if you like?" Cameron interrupted her. "It's too early to start getting ready for work."

"Okay," Thirteen replied, a little surprised. She had thought Cameron would want to postpone this conversation for as long as possible; she had thought that Cameron would need time to think and worry herself half to death about hurting someone, whether that was her or Chase.

"Well," Thirteen continued, "I just wanted to know what you were thinking, about what's going on between us. I know you're with Chase and I know you wouldn't want to hurt anyone; I just needed to tell you . . . that I like you. A lot."

Her speech became rushed at the end as she began to feel a little nervous. She was putting herself on the line, opening herself up to someone in an unprecedented move for a lasting connection, one she thought she would never make.

"I know." Cameron smiled, again touching Thirteen's arm tenderly, "And I like you too. A lot. You must know I do." she paused, her expression thoughtful. "And you're not the one I'm going to be hurting."

Thirteen let out an audible breath, although she hadn't realised she'd been holding it. "That's good." she smiled.

Looking into Cameron's eyes, her smile faded to an expression of melancholy. "In that case, we need to talk about something else."

Cameron looked puzzled for a moment.

"My Huntington's." Thirteen said quickly. "I can't really believe I've let this happen, I never wanted something like this." she stopped suddenly, "Well, I did want something like this, I've wanted to feel this way for someone, well. . ." she exhaled, "forever."

"But I don't want to hurt you. And I don't want to see you suffer watching me lose everything in my life that makes me who I am. I know your husband died of cancer, these things don't stay much of a secret at the hospital, and that must have been truly terrible for you. When I watched my mother die and my father lose everything I promised myself I would never put anyone in his position."

Cameron began to interrupt.

"Wait," Thirteen stated, "let me finish before you say anything."

There was silence as Cameron nodded.

"And here I am, not only wanting you to be with me but asking you to do it. I don't know if we'd be together when I would start to become ill, no one can predict the future, but I can't feel comfortable about this; I can't ever forgive myself for this. But I'm doing it anyway, because I can't seem to stop myself." she paused. "Um, that's about it."

Cameron reached over to take Thirteen's hand into her own. "Yes, watching my husband die was the most terrible thing I've ever done, but I did it by choice. I didn't have to marry him when I knew he was ill. It was a choice I made and one that ended up defining my life and defining me for a long time; perhaps it still does even now. But I'd still make that choice today, I think it helped make me the person I am."

"But I don't have a choice with you. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's the way I feel. I knew my husband for years longer than I've known you, and yet I know I don't have a choice to walk away from this, I'm in too deep now. Even if I did have a choice, I'd still make this one."

Cameron felt the salty simmer of tears as they ran down her cheeks, and as she looked into Thirteen's tearful eyes, and saw some of the fear fall away from her face, she realised that they had made a promise to each other. Unlike the loveless promise she had made Chase, this promise was purer, calmer, a deep current forcing its course through to both of their unloved lives.

"I think," Thirteen said hesitantly, "that I'm glad to hear that."

And she leaned over and kissed Cameron on the lips, a kiss that was somewhere in that middle ground between soft and passionate, and that managed to covey a little of both.

"So," Thirteen continued, a mischievous smile gracing her features, her voice low and seductive, "do I get to wear your pants and panties today?"

Cameron laughed, relieved that their difficult conversation was over, relieved that she had made a decision for once in her life, and despite its implications, she felt light and happy and a little drunk on the though that Thirteen was naked in her bed and probably would be again tonight.

"You bet." Cameron replied, kissing her again, and whispering in her ear, "And I want you to think about me ripping them off you all day."

Thirteen's eyebrows rose quickly in pleasant surprise, despite her own teasing of Cameron. "I certainly will now."

* * *

House was back in his office when Thirteen arrived.

"Hi," she said, "how are you feeling?"

He furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes.

"Why do you look happy?" he asked, sounding more than curious and a little annoyed.

"So I'm not allowed to be happy now?"

"No one who just found out they're dying is happy for at least a week." he stated.

"Yes, they are. And it's none of your business."

"Everything is my business though. That's why God gave me the gift of curiosity. Which he doesn't seem to have given to anyone else at all. He loves me; I'm just trying to figure out how to show my love back. Do you think a sex show is appropriate?"

Thirteen rolled her eyes.

"No, seriously." House continued. "You should at least try to look miserable. At least about Amber."

"House." Thirteen said in a low, threatening voice. "It's none of your business. And I am very sad about Amber."

"Ah," his face lit up, as he looked at her through one narrowed eye. "So there is something for me not to have my business about?" He looked confused. "Did that make sense?"

"Shut up."

"Hmmm," he scrutinised her again. "Those aren't your pants. They scream 'office-babe wants to be taken seriously' and you are more of a laid-back 'I don't care what people think' kind of style." He gesticulated wildly, his voice a cross-between the high, excited tone of a schoolboy up to no good, and a camp fashion designer advertising his new line.

"Careful," Thirteen responded, "You'll pull some stitches out."

House stopped, "I had a HEAD operation." he exclaimed.

"Exactly." Thirteen replied, grinning.

"Whose pants are they, Thirteen?" he asked forcefully, putting extra emphasis on the last syllable of her name.

"If I wanted to talk about my sex life, I would have."

His mouth dropped open, "Seriously?"

Thirteen smiled silently as Taub and Kutner walked in, ready to start the differential.

* * *

Cameron jumped, drawing in a breath quickly. "God House, why do you have to do that?"

His face was serious. "You're wearing your hair down."

"Yes, what has that got to do with anything?"

"You never wear your hair down anymore." his eyes bore into hers, making her uncomfortable.

"How are you?" she asked him, attempting to change the subject, continuing to fill out her paperwork.

"In pain." he stated, pronouncing the last word with force. "And it's doing me no good that everybody around here is lying to me. And Wilson isn't speaking to me."

Cameron looked up at him with an ironic smile. "Everybody lies, House. And Wilson, well, give him some time. He's is pain. More pain that you." she said quickly as House began to interrupt.

He paused. "I know." He said quietly, leaning on a filing cabinet, and poking his cane at the rubbish bin until it fell over. "What I don't understand is why you haven't been to see him yet. You're always the first person to try to pick up the pieces. Not that it does any good."

Cameron was silent for a moment. "I'm starting to think I don't know as much about that sort of thing as I used to. I will speak to him, I just haven't got around to it yet."

House surveyed her. "No, you haven't seen him yet because you're not in pain. You're happy. I saw you smiling to yourself. Who smiles when they're doing paperwork? You don't think you can help someone who's broken because you're not broken anymore. What I want to know is why. It's clearly not the wombat; he's been making you miserable for months."

"It's none of your business House, not anymore, and it never would have been." she said forcefully.

"Yeah, yeah, that's everyone's line this morning, pick an original why don't you."

And with that he was gone, leaving Cameron slightly confused and anxious in his wake.

* * *

Thirteen left House's office during her lunch break to try to find Cameron in the ER.

She saw the older doctor coming out of an exam room, and smiled at her from across the room.

"Hi," Thirteen said, "I was wondering if you had time for lunch?"

"Yeah, I do," Cameron replied, smiling back, "just give me one second."

"Sure." Thirteen replied.

Cameron stepped away from her for a minute to give instructions to a passing nurse, and then approached Thirteen again, and they began walking side by side to the canteen.

"I don't have too much time though, I'm afraid." Thirteen stated, sounding disappointed.

"Okay, no problem." Cameron replied, a little disappointed herself.

Thirteen insisted on buying Cameron's lunch for her, and her firm assertion made Cameron grin in such a way that she hoped House was nowhere nearby.

"So," Cameron asked as they sat opposite each other at a table, knees touching," have you got a new patient?"

"Yeah, thirty-five year old woman with hallucinations, nausea, and headaches, MRI showed nothing, no tumour, no lesions, and she's now jaundiced. So we're doing a LP and a liver biopsy after lunch. But House wanted exploratory brain surgery. It's all fun upstairs." she finished, slightly sarcastically.

"Sounds like it. Do you know, if you were Chase I'd be trying to think of a diagnosis, while pretending to be listening to what you're saying."

"Good thing I'm not Chase then." Thirteen said quietly. She hesitated. "Did you tell him?"

"No, but I will, don't worry."

"Okay, I'm not worried." Thirteen said, a little too quickly, so that Cameron knew that she was.

"How much longer do you have?" Cameron asked her.

"Um," Thirteen checked her watch, "just under twenty minutes. Why?"

Cameron was already standing when she looked up. "Let's go." she said.

"Where?" Thirteen asked, confusion apparent on her face.

"You'll see."

Thirteen had to stride to catch up with Cameron's quick pace out of the canteen. "Where are we going, Allison?" she asked again.

Cameron pulled on her hand as she walked up the stairs, looking around to make sure no one was watching.

"Wha. . .?" Thirteen was silenced as Cameron placed a finger over her lips. She continued ascending the staircase to the third floor, opening the door and stepping out onto the floor.

"Excellent." Cameron said, her voice whispering in the silence, "Everyone's at lunch."

She tugged on Thirteen's arm as she made her way to exam room 37, pulling the younger doctor into the dark and empty room after her.

"I just couldn't wait until tonight." Cameron stated simply, kissing Thirteen and pinning her up against the wall in imitation of their previous night together.

"Allison." Thirteen gasped, breaking away from the kiss, "Won't someone come in?"

"Maybe," Cameron laughed into Thirteen's hair as she kissed her neck, running her hands over Thirteen's breasts, "but you're worth it."

Thirteen moaned at the answer, and at Cameron's demanding touch. She reminded herself that life was short, and she didn't need much convincing anyway.

The kiss quickly became a hazy fumble of unbuttoning buttons and unclasping clasps. Cameron ran her hands over Thirteen's shirt, her own shirt, and undid the buttons, accidentally breaking the thread on one and causing it to fall to the floor.

"Never mind," Thirteen breathed into her ear, laughing a little, as she placed hot kisses over her collarbone, and on Cameron's sensitive jugular, which caused her to gasp and squirm with pleasure. She began unbuttoning Cameron's top, trying to move too quickly, not allowing her hands to catch up with her brain, her actions clumsy. She became a little frustrated and started to pull Cameron's top over her head awkwardly, but managing nonetheless. She kissed Cameron's neck and undid her bra clasp, her hands touching her everywhere, her lips following, quickly, desperately, her heart pummelling in her chest as adrenaline rushed through her at the prospect of being caught.

Their kiss became breathless, hungry, each aching for the other's touch. They both reached down in between them to unzip their pants, skimming each other's waists, their lips never breaking apart. Cameron's hands reached around to the back of Thirteen's neck, and pulled her mouth more onto her own, making the kiss harder, fiercer, a little more quenching of the thirst they both felt for one another.

Thirteen's hands continued unzipping first Cameron's pants, then her own, marvelling at them both standing there just in their panties. Cameron pressed her body up against Thirteen's, feeling her skin against hers, and she reached down between them, sliding her hands into Thirteen's panties, and slowly, arching her fingers into Thirteen's centre, flicking her thumb over her clit. Thirteen gasped, feeling herself become more and more aroused, not just at Cameron's fingers pushing into her, but at the thought of them both pressed up against the wall, naked, where anyone could walk in at anytime. Cameron couldn't help but smile as she saw Thirteen's gasping from pleasure and writhing against her own body.

Thirteen spread her legs a little further, and pulled Cameron's hips into hers. She moaned a little at the contact, skimming her own hand over Cameron's breasts, down in between them, and sliding her hand into Cameron's panties, her fingers pulsing on her clit, and gliding into Cameron's wet core. She felt herself become even more turned on as she looked into Cameron's wide eyes as her fingers entered her, and began to move inside her, finding that special spot.

"You are so fucking hot." Thirteen moaned, looking at Cameron.

Cameron kissed her again, harder, putting more pressure on her clit.

They began to move together, pulling each other in closer, both always wanting more contact. As the pleasure and desire rose with each movement and each thrust, they held on to each other more tightly, pushing into each other further and further, fingers curling inside each other. They could both feel how close they were, eyes seeking each other in the darkness. As they both came they pulled closer, falling into each other, heavy eyes never leaving each other's as wave upon wave of bliss hit them.

They held each other, hot, breathless, unsure of how they were ever going to regain speech or function again. Their chests rose and fell sharply against each other, in time with each other, as they kissed softly and sweetly.

Thirteen laughed quietly. "Hmmm, I can't wait for later." she said, as she began to put her clothes back on.

* * *

**Hmmm, writing sex scenes is almost better than actual sex ;) **

**No, actually, I just remembered. It's not.**


	6. The Only Thing Sure

**A/N:** Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I'm so pleased you guys are liking this, I'm sorry I've taken a while to update. I've just put myself up for Beta services, if anyone is interested, please PM me.

**Chapter 6**

She stopped midway along the corridor, her hands sliding along the wooden railings. She tapped her fingers on the wide dark window panes; watching the lights and movement of the ambulance bay below; watching as the figures became blurry as her breath steamed the glass.

She thought about how much of her life she had walked through, dreaming. She thought about the handful of times when she'd known she was alive. She knew they were there, familiar, in her past: the day she was married, the moment her husband died, the day she'd made her first mistake in medicine that had cost a life. There were others too, lost almost as quickly as they had arrived. Most were forgotten. But no one person had made her feel alive the way she felt now, as if the world was cruel and heartbreaking and made no sense, but it was worth it anyway. As if every moment was as full and saturated with loss and loneliness, but that she wasn't alone. What she'd never found in God perhaps she had found in another person, and it was ironic, she thought, but maybe that was what it was all about.

She surprised herself; she actually wanted to do this. It felt a little like a release. The harsh lighting made her feel naked, exposed, determined; as if she couldn't hide from herself any longer. There was little truth in the life she'd been living recently, little reality. Thirteen was a reality.

"Allison?"

She turned away from the window, an ache beginning in her as she felt the call away from dreamland.

"One of the nurses said you wanted to meet me here." he said, a little confusion evident in his voice.

She didn't dare smile at him. Her voice was soft and hesitant. "Chase." she said tenderly. "Robert."

"Is everything okay?" he asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

"Yeah." she shook a little as she spoke, as she wondered if he had suspected that this was coming. "We. . . need to talk."

"Okay." he replied, still sounding confused and hesitant. As she looked into his eyes she thought she saw something there, a knowing, a silent hoping despite the inevitable.

She took a deep breath. "Robert, over the past few months I've been thinking that this isn't working. You're a great guy and I value your friendship more than anything, and I don't want to hurt you." The determined look in his face broke her heart a little, and she laid a hand on his arm.

"This has been a difficult decision for me," she continued, "mainly because I care about you so much, but I think you know as well as I do that we're not meant to be together."

He looked away from her, his eyes gazing out of the windows opposite. He was still and silent for a moment.

"Allison," he said quietly, "I know you haven't been happy recently, and I would do anything to make you happy. I love you and I wanted to make you happy, but that clearly hasn't happened. I would fight for you if I thought it would do any good." He paused, breathing slowly. "I know you don't love me. It was selfish of me, but I think I knew even before you did. I just wanted to hold onto you for a bit longer. And as much as it kills me to say this, if someone else can make you complete the way I haven't, I want that for you. I want that for myself; I want someone who can't go a day without seeing me and someone that I make complete. I wanted that to be you, but. . ."

He glanced up at her, his eyes sad and longing, in such a reluctant goodbye. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she knew she shouldn't, that he wouldn't want her to. She was reminded of how proud men are, and she didn't think she'd loved him more than in that moment.

"Maybe we can be friends?" she asked quietly.

He smiled sadly, "Maybe."

And without another word, he turned around and walked slowly down the corridor, his feet barely lifted above the ground, his stethoscope in hand.

Cameron's heart felt heavy. She didn't even feel a great deal of guilt for ending her relationship with him, she just felt a regret that she hadn't really appreciated how good a person he was when she was with him. He was warm and generous and a good friend, and she realised she would miss him. But she wasn't in love with him. She was in love with someone else.

* * *

"Boring, boring, boring."

"House, if you actually listened to any of the symptoms you might not find this case boring." Foreman suggested.

"No, if I actually listened to any of the symptoms, I might miss General Hospital." House replied, his eyes on the television.

"Well, she's not going to get better by herself." Foreman said, glaring at the other fellows.

"Yeah, we get it." Kutner responded, looking at House for confirmation.

"No need to stare." House said, still absorbed in the couple kissing on the television. "Okay, CBC, Chem 7, blood cultures, and start her on broad spectrum."

Cameron opened the door and entered the room. She laid a pile of folder on the table in front of House. "There are your backdated patient reports for the past two months." She paused, her eyes meeting Thirteen's momentarily, before looking back at House, "And you're welcome."

House smiled, a glint in his eye, "Well, I know how happy paperwork makes you Cameron."

Cameron looked down at him, clearly annoyed. She left the room quickly, glancing back for a second.

"Okay," Taub interjected, getting up out of his chair, "I'm going to do a Bronchoscopy." He opened the glass door and walked down the corridor in the direction of the patient's room.

"Won't tell you anything!" House shouted to Taub's disappearing labcoat. Thirteen walked by his chair, but was stopped when House blocked her with his cane. "You, stay."

Foreman rolled his eyes in exasperation at Kutner as they left the room.

"What do you want, House?" Thirteen asked, annoyance in her voice, "Another cosy chat?"

"Yah," he tilted his head, "I'm all about the tea and toasties."

Thirteen paused, reluctant to give a response.

"You're sleeping with Cameron." he stated, watching her response.

"No, I'm not." Thirteen exclaimed, her mouth dropping a little, "That's ridiculous."

"What, two extremely hot women sleeping together? No, that's logic."

She laughed quickly. "There's nothing going on. I don't even know why you'd think that."

"Well, you're happy even though you're dying, she smiles while doing paperwork, and you spent the week wearing her clothes. Doesn't take much but a genius to figure it out."

Thirteen just stared at him, knowing nothing she could say would prevent him knowing. He was already certain, and even if he hadn't been, her reaction had definitely given her away.

"She must be awesome in bed." he grinned.

She gave him a look of extreme annoyance, and moved his cane to get by his chair. As she left the room, she couldn't help but suppress a small smile.

* * *

Thirteen felt warm hands wrap around her coat. She smiled and turned around.

"Hi," she laughed, "are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," Cameron replied, kissing her. "and better than that. I am 100 excited about this movie."

"Yeah?" Thirteen asked, laughing again.

"Well, yeah." Cameron smiled, "But mainly I just want to get back row seats."

"Too bad." Thirteen mocked. "I bought first row tickets."

"You didn't?" Cameron exclaimed.

"No," Thirteen replied, "I bought back row tickets."

"Haha!" Cameron laughed. She held Thirteen's gloved hand in her own as they walked to the car.

* * *

As they sat in the cinema, Thirteen stole a piece of popcorn from Cameron's bag. Cameron gave her a mock serious look, then kissed her.

"I told Chase." she whispered.

"You did?" Thirteen asked, both concerned and a little relieved.

"Yeah." Cameron replied, thinking back to her earlier conversation.

"How did he take it?"

"Um, not as badly as I thought he would. He said he knew I wasn't in love with him and he wanted me to be happy, and he wanted me to find someone who would make me happy."

"He's a good guy." Thirteen said, thinking, feeling a little guilty.

"Yeah, I don't think I realised how good a guy he was until now. But he's right, he doesn't make me happy."

Thirteen looked up.

"You make me happy." Cameron said seriously.

Thirteen smiled, and Cameron felt her heart forget a beat, something she didn't think she would ever be able to get used to.

"You make me happy." Thirteen replied, quietly, her eyes looking deeply into Cameron's.

They spent a moment just gazing at each other, the movie forgotten, until they both realised and became embarrassed, looking back up at the screen.

Thirteen reached over for Cameron's hand as she had on their first date. Cameron held it tightly, grinning in such a way that she was glad that she was in a dark movie theatre, and she thanked God that House wasn't there to make any smart remarks.

_House was wrong_, Thirteen thought, _almost dying changes everything_.

* * *

**Extra points to anyone who gets the title reference.**


	7. Some of Us Are Looking At the Stars

**A/N:** Again, thank you all so much for the reviews, you guys are wonderful! I'm feeling a little insecure about this chapter; I've been really ill so I'm not sure it's my best work. It's one thing to be able to describe an object or a setting accurately as a writer, but it's another task altogether to successfully describe a feeling, and again, I'm not sure if this is a particularly good chapter, so my apologies…

**Chapter 7**

It was one of those mornings where it is not possible to wake quickly; a dark, brooding beginning of a day that would inevitably end in the same way. The sky outside was overcast and grey; the light diffused the room with a softness that made the corners of everything less solid, more indistinct. Cameron woke slowly; sleep making the room hazy, a mirage of light hitting dust and the receding blur of her dream.

As she opened her eyes, she gazed across at Thirteen, her face a vivid tableau of amazement. Thirteen was lying on her front, her hand resting alongside her face on her pillow, her back and arms exposed. Cameron felt as she watched her that she could only now understand what made the difference between something being beautiful, and something being majestic. Buildings were majestic, rivers and trees and forests were majestic, but a human person was beautiful in an entirely different way. Thirteen was beautiful, Cameron thought, because her sleeping serenity did not betray her anguish. She was as peaceful in sleep as she was sorrowed in life.

Cameron reached out a tentative hand and hesitantly traced along Thirteen's spine, as if she were painting fine art or playing the keys of a piano. She watched the minute hairs rise along the vertebrae in an involuntary reaction to her touch. She held her breath as she danced her hand along her side, Thirteen's skin the only thing bright and warm enough to be alive in the grey light.

She didn't realise that Thirteen was awake until she heard a soft muffled laugh from her pillow.

"You should know I'm extremely ticklish." Thirteen said, opening her eyes to look at Cameron.

Cameron smiled, "I was hoping you were. I can have a lot of fun that way."

"Not if you're ticklish too." Thirteen replied, her hands finding Cameron's stomach and teasing her until she collapsed into a hysterical fit of laughter. Thirteen watched her, laughing herself, stopping only to kiss Cameron sweetly and tenderly. When she pulled away, Cameron looked up at her, still laughing breathlessly, and Thirteen smiled at the feeling she felt, her heart melting once again as it always did when she looked at Cameron.

"What do you want to do today?" Cameron asked, "Considering that it is, at last, Saturday."

"I knew there was a reason why I didn't mind waking up this morning." Thirteen joked, "I don't know, do you want to go out and get some breakfast?"

"Yeah," Cameron replied, "that would be a good idea considering you have no food in the house."

"Hey," Thirteen exclaimed, "Is it my fault you ate it all?"

Cameron laughed again, "You did your fair share, I seem to remember."

"Yeah," Thirteen grinned, her eyes narrowing mischievously.

"I didn't mean that!" Cameron exclaimed a shocked but amused look on her face, hitting Thirteen with her pillow.

* * *

They sat in a small and quiet café two blocks from Thirteen's apartment. Cameron sipped her coffee quietly, before starting to speak.

"I like staying at your house." she said, taking another sip.

Thirteen's face lit up in the way Cameron loved, "You do?" she asked, and Cameron nodded. "I like having you there. I could do with decorating the place really. You're the first person who's really seen it since I moved in; Kutner came over for a beer once but that's about it."

"Hey," Thirteen said as a thought suddenly struck her, "D'you want to help me paint the place?"

Cameron's eyes sparkled. "That could be fun," she grinned, "as long as you promise to wear just a shirt."

Thirteen spilt her coffee on the table as she picked it up. "Okay," she said, laughing as she wiped it up with a serviette, "If you will?"

"Deal." Cameron answered quickly, making Thirteen laugh all over again.

"What do you want to do after this?" Cameron asked.

"Hmm," Thirteen said as she thought, "How about we go shopping for a bit and then go to the park. It's cold enough for the park to be fun."

"It has to be cold for the park to be fun?" Cameron asked.

"No, but it feels nicer if it is."

"Okay," Cameron replied, a bemused expression on her face, "I'll take your word for it."

They walked the four blocks north to the main shopping area, holding gloved hands. Thirteen couldn't help stealing glances at Cameron as they walked, thinking how beautiful she looked with her skin flushed in the cold air and her eyes bright and shining.

"Where first?" Cameron asked.

"I have no idea, I trust your judgement." Thirteen replied.

"Okay, designer shops it is then." Cameron said as she laughed.

They browsed shops and boutiques, both a little too absorbed in each other to pay much attention to the merchandise.

"Remy?" Cameron whispered.

"Yeah?" Thirteen replied, turning around to face Cameron.

"I think you should try this on." She held up a long evening gown of green satin.

Thirteen tried to suppress a laugh. "And what would I wear that for?"

"The hospital fundraiser next week."

"I don't know Allison, it's not really that - you know - me."

"Are you joking?" Cameron retorted, "You would look amazing in this. And you can hardly wear suspenders to the fundraiser."

Thirteen gave her a hurt look.

"Not that I'm not a huge fan of the suspenders." Cameron added quickly. "I think I proved last night that I am an avid suspenders supporter."

"You weren't very supportive of them," Thirteen hit back, "You couldn't wait for them to be gone…"

"Yeah… well, they were in my way." Cameron laughed.

Thirteen looked at the dress and at Cameron's eager eyes. "Okay, let's go try it on."

Cameron smiled smugly.

* * *

"And why aren't I allowed in?" Cameron asked, trying to peek through the changing room curtain. "I've seen it all before, remember?" she whispered lightly.

"Vividly." Thirteen replied, her voice muffled from inside the booth. "And it spoils the suspense. It's not like you'll get to see me in a dress like this everyday." she said flatly.

"That could be arranged." Cameron called, turning around to look at her reflection in the long mirror at the end of the hall. She sighed and turned away.

The curtain was pulled back as Thirteen emerged from the booth.

Cameron was speechless for a second. "Oh my God."

"That bad, huh?"

"Wow, wow – just wow – is all that's coming to mind right now." Cameron stuttered.

Thirteen looked down bashfully and blushed.

"Well," she began, "this begs only one question."

"What's that?" Cameron said, still staring at her as if in a dream.

"What are you going to wear?"

* * *

They carried their shopping bags to the park as the light began to dim, although it was only early evening.

"It'll be Christmas soon." Thirteen said thoughtfully.

"Yeah." Cameron replied, looking at her. "What do you normally do for Christmas?"

"Last year I worked, and the year before that I worked, and the one before that." Thirteen said, a pained smile gracing her features. "And the Christmas before that I went home and it was so weird I decided it wasn't a good idea to go home for Christmas again."

Cameron felt sad. She knew there had been a lonely time for Thirteen in her past; perhaps she was still lonely. Cameron knew that Thirteen felt the despair of her condition still, at times, when she caught her looking as if into some invisible place. Some place in her past or her future, it was impossible to tell. She knew she put a brave face on her pain for Cameron, and that made her even sadder. She knew she had to make sure Thirteen could talk to her about anything, before the door shut, before she was just another person that Thirteen built up brave walls for.

Cameron asked tentatively, "Would you like to spend it with me?"

She half expected Thirteen to say no, to lock her out.

Thirteen's eyes were still sad, the kind of sad found in happiness because it must always inevitably end. "Yeah." she said, "I would really like that."

Cameron felt a huge smile overtake her whole body, inside and out. "Now," she said, changing the subject, "I'm starving, can we get some food?"

They bought hot dogs from a stand just across the road from the park, and sat down on a bench to eat them.

"I love this time of night." Cameron said as she watched children still playing baseball under the floodlights of the green, despite the darkness. "I love that you can just start to see the stars."

They both gazed up at the slowly brightening orbs in the darkness above.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Thirteen quoted wistfully, hugging her knees against her body to stay warm.

"That's beautiful," Cameron replied, thinking, "who's that?"

"Oscar Wilde." Thirteen replied, "He's probably my favourite author."

"That really is beautiful." Cameron said, pausing. "Remy… I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I don't want you to put on a brave face for me, I don't need protecting. If you feel something, no matter what it is, even if you get scared in the middle of the night, you can tell me."

Thirteen's eyes met hers, "Thank you," she said softly, "I know I don't open up very much. Or easily. I will talk to you, I promise. It might take time, but I will." She paused, her eyes gazing back up to the sky again.

"You know," she continued quietly, "whenever I feel sad or lonely I always sit outside and look at the stars." She paused. "We're made of them, you know?"

"The stars?" Cameron asked quietly.

"Yeah, a million stars, all dying and being born again, like everything in the universe. And sometimes that reminds me that it's not really possible to be alone. We're all made of little pieces of each other."

Cameron followed her gaze. "I'd never really thought of it like that."

"It's not like I believe in God, so it's nice to feel that there's some connection to someone, something."

"I feel the same way." Cameron said thoughtfully. She blinked as she felt a raindrop hit her. "Oh no, not again." she exclaimed.

Thirteen laughed as the rain began to intensify. She pulled Cameron up from the bench and kept her hand as they started to run through the pouring sheets.

"What is this, a fucking monsoon?" Cameron yelled over the noise of the droplets hitting the concrete below.

Thirteen laughed again, as they splashed through newly formed puddles. They were soon completely drenched, their clothes dripping as much as the clouds above. Something in Thirteen soared, she felt a new kind of freedom, as her skin tingled and shivered with the wetness, and the raindrops clapped their applause against the earth in exultation.

She stopped suddenly.

Cameron stopped too, realising that Thirteen was no longer pulling on her hand.

"What are you doing?" she cried, "It's pouring!"

"I know." Thirteen replied, looking at her. "I love you."

It took Cameron a moment to realise what she'd said, she was so surprised. Then, mindless of the rain beating down on them, she said, "I love you too."

Thirteen laughed, water running in streams down her face. She pulled Cameron close to her, still smiling, and kissed her, as strangers rushed past them running in the rain and cars sped through the rivers forming in the roads, their lights bright and sweeping in the darkness.

* * *

**More chapters? You decide. This is either going to be a 7 chapter sort of story or 14 chapter sort of story, if you get my drift.**


	8. The World Will Break Your Heart

**A/N:** Once again, thank you all for the lovely reviews; you're what's keeping this fic going. I appreciate every one of you. Can I just encourage you all to be as generous to other femslash writers out there, I see great fics with only one or two reviews, and the only way to keep the good stuff coming is to review, so please be as good to others as you have been to me :)

**Chapter 8**

"New case." House said as he slammed a file down on the glass desk.

His fellows looked up from their coffee to stare at him.

He pulled a face and stood by the board. He began to write in a nearly illegible scribble, while beginning to talk. "Seventeen year old female, formerly diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, in remission, presents with lower extremity edema and erythematous nodules. No pulmonary symptoms. Three weeks ago she developed neck pain and fatigue, which resolved spontaneously.

"So," he continued, "Neck pain, plus erythema, plus fatigue, equals?"

Foreman looked irritated, "Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She's obviously come out of remission."

House swung around on his cane to look at Foreman, "Do you know, there's a reason I prefer for you to speak last? And it has more to do with you spoiling the fun than about you learning your place in the world."

Foreman rolled his eyes at Taub, who looked vaguely insulted on his behalf.

"What else?" House asked.

"Sarcoidosis." Thirteen stated calmly.

House evaluated her answer. "Anyone else?"

"Lupus," Taub said.

"Lupus?" House repeated with disdain, "Really?"

"Explains the neck pain, fatigue," Kutner interrupted, "even the lesions - erythema multiforme."

"Oookay," House sighed, "Kutner and Taub test to rule out Lupus, Thirteen take her to have a CT, Foreman… go check her house."

"What for?" Foreman asked, still evidently annoyed.

"I'm giving you a gift." House replied, whispering loudly, "There are things about the female world you could do with knowing." He winked at him, and grinned widely, "Or you could just ask Thirteen?"

"Right," Thirteen rose quickly, "I'll go get the patient." She threw House a look of pure contempt before exiting the room.

Foreman looked confused. Taub and Kutner looked at one another.

"What've you done to Thirteen?" Taub asked suspiciously.

"It's what she's done that's the main interest." House smiled.

"What's that?" Kutner asked, his voice full of curiosity.

"Why don't you go and ask her before your patient goes to CT without you having done the blood tests."

Kutner looked startled, "Right." he said, remembering himself.

* * *

Thirteen wheeled the patient along the corridor.

"Are you feeling okay?" Thirteen asked, looking down at the girl below her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." the girl responded, smiling up at her. Thirteen knew that smile. It was one she knew she wore herself, knew when she saw it mirrored in the reaction of another. A pained grimace more than a smile; a practised but still detectable lie to cover a truth, impossible to perfect because it was too close to the rawness inside.

The girl held her hands in her lap and looked at them. "This isn't over is it?" she asked, "The Hodgkin's has come back, hasn't it?"

"We don't know yet," Thirteen replied, "we've just got to run some tests. There are other possibilities. Just take it one step at a time, Lucy."

"Yeah," Lucy said, "it feels like my life is a series of steps sometimes. One month of remission, two months, one year. I suppose with each step it becomes clearer."

Thirteen tried to grasp her meaning, "What becomes clearer?"

Lucy sighed. "That this isn't a fight you can win. If you're not meant to live, you won't. Nothing about that changes however many courses of Chemo you go through."

Thirteen was silent, her thoughts in turmoil. She felt a need to know something.

She spoke softly, hesitantly, "Are you scared?"

The girl in the wheelchair was quiet as she thought. "No. I was," she paused, "but I'm not sure I am meant to be here… maybe I'm meant for a different place."

"Maybe you'll find out that this is the place you're meant to be." Thirteen said, glad that the girl, not that much younger than herself, was unable to see her face.

House watched her from the other end of the corridor, cane in hand, her words sinking into him as her voice faded away.

* * *

He pulled back the curtain wildly.

"House," Cameron yelled, outraged, "I am in the middle of an examination!"

"I can see that," he replied, grinning at the surprised woman hugging herself to hide her naked torso, "but knowing you nowadays, it's difficult to tell if this is examination time or just plain old Sapphic fun."

He winked at the middle aged woman as she recovered from her initial shock. She smiled back shyly, seemingly quite charmed.

"I need to talk to you, Cameron." he said, turning to look at her.

"It's going to have to wait." she replied, still irritated.

"While I would love to wait, my leg cannot." House stated, looking at her with puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," Cameron whispered, turning back to her patient, "please excuse me for a moment."

She closed the curtain swiftly, looking back at House angrily.

"What?" she demanded.

"Hey," he replied, "is that the way to speak to a man who's about to save your marriage?"

"I'm not married." Cameron replied flatly, "Is this a joke?"

"Yeah but you will be married soon, I saw it on The L Word. You have to multiply normal dating standards by four for you lesbians."

"What are you talking about?" Cameron asked, her hands on her hips.

"Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"Warn me of what?" Cameron started to shout.

"Thirteen. Has problems."

"I know she has problems." Cameron stated, her eyebrows starting to furrow in concern.

"Really?" House said, beginning to walk away.

"What are you talking about House?" Cameron yelled after him.

* * *

Cameron stared over at Thirteen as they ate at Thirteen's dinner table. There was something there. There was a difference in her, as much as she was clearly trying to hide it. Thirteen sipped her wine absent-mindedly, her concentration on something else.

"How was your day?" Cameron asked, wearing an expression of concern.

"Fine." Thirteen replied, looking at Cameron. "New patient."

"Yeah?" Cameron asked. Something was clearly not right. She felt the panic rise up in her, the nauseating panic of worry. There was something there, behind Thirteen's eyes, an other-worldly film of detachment, distance. It loomed between them as big as the terror that was growing inside of Cameron's mind.

"Are you okay?" Cameron asked gently, her heart beating rapidly.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Thirteen replied quickly, too quickly. "I'll take the dishes out."

Thirteen rose from the table, taking Cameron's plate in one hand and hers in the other. As she swept by her, Cameron noticed that her food had hardly been touched.

Thirteen ran the taps in the sink, the water scalding her hands as she placed the plates beside the cutlery.

"Fuck!" she yelled as she dropped a plate on the floor; a flood of hot, angry tears surprising her as she slammed her hand against the cabinet.

She felt the world spin as she started to cry; everything became blurry as she fought to catch a breath.

"Hey," Cameron said, approaching her quickly as she entered the room. "Remy, what's going on?"

Cameron reached out to touch her arm, but Thirteen shook her away, staring wildly at the wall, her shoulders rising and falling rapidly as her chest shook with each enraged sob.

"What's wrong?" Cameron asked again, panic rising in her again.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" Thirteen shouted, tears cascading down her face, "I'm dying, that's what's wrong." She brought her hands up, making fists, before wiping away her tears furiously.

"I hate that I'm so angry at it all." she spoke, her voice raw and rough, "I'm so busy being angry at the world that I'm forgetting to be part of it." She paused. "We had this patient come in today, in her second remission from Hodgkin's, seventeen, and she's braver than I am. She's not afraid to die. But I'm so scared I. . . don't even want to think about it. And all I can do is think about it. I want to be able to look at you and not think about how little time I have with you, and to not think about how much pain you're going to be in a few years. Ten years is gone in the blink of an eye and I'm wasting it. And I'm so damn scared."

Her body continued to shake as she looked at Cameron. Her tears of anger gave way to tears of exhaustion, as Cameron once again reached out to her, and as she let herself be held close.

"It's right to be scared," Cameron spoke softly to her, "because you have a life worth keeping. It means that you value living, and that is not a waste. I'm scared too, so scared. I'm even more scared you'll lose yourself in the fear. You _will_ be able to look at me and not think about it, just give it time. You need to heal. All this is new and yeah, it is impossible to ever get used to, but that's what that girl has done, she's got used to it. Maybe she's lost the will to fight. Don't you lose it."

Thirteen's hands held her tightly, her fingers grasping her back. "But what if I'm not meant to be here?"

"You are." Cameron replied, "Trust me, you are."

Thirteen looked at her, her eyes flooding with warmth. She kissed Cameron fiercely, passionately. Cameron felt the tears on Thirteen's face fall against her own skin.

"Don't. . ." Cameron whispered.

Thirteen looked at her questioningly.

"You don't have to be angry all the time."

Thirteen nodded, her eyes still full of tears.

Cameron took her hand and led her into the bathroom. She sat her down onto the edge of the bathtub as she turned on the tap. Cameron removed her shoes, and her socks and top. She pulled her up gently to unzip her pants, and take off her underwear. She guided her tenderly into the bath, and sat her back as the water rose around her.

Cameron took off her own clothes, and sat back behind Thirteen in the bath. She ran her hand slowly over her neck and back and stroked her arms in silence.

"Thank you," Thirteen said quietly, "and I'm sorry."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for." Cameron replied, "And there's no need to be sorry. You did what anyone else on the planet would do."

Thirteen grasped her hand and held it. She thought about how much she needed Cameron, and how odd it was to need someone after years of emotional exile. As the time passed, all her thoughts diffused into the effervescent steam around her. All her thoughts stopped as she felt Cameron's heart beating against her own.

* * *

**I'm sorry it wasn't as fluff-tastic as the previous one, but that's the ying and yang of life. I promise some more smut for the next chapter if it is so desired?**


	9. Life Itself Is Lunatic

**A/N**: Once again, thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I truly appreciate you all.

**Chapter 9**

"Okay, spyboy, I'm talking A1 or bigger if you can get it," House whispered under his breath.

"No problem," Lucas said as he leaned in towards him, "and you want me to put them. . ?"

They both paused at the sound of a pair of heels walking confidently down the corridor.

Cuddy approached, cautiously, looking at House suspiciously.

He gazed back at her with innocent eyes, before focusing back on Lucas. "Everywhere." he replied. "Everywhere you can think of."

Lucas' smile turned to a unique kind of grimace as he quailed under Cuddy's irate stare.

"Good morning Dr. Cuddy," he offered politely.

"Good morning Lucas, do you mind if I have a word with Dr. House?"

"No, not at all, I'll just be. . ." his voice trailed to a standstill as he turned around and sped away.

House pulled a red lollipop out of his blazer pocket and unwrapped it fiercely. "Dr. Cuddy." he said, more of a statement than a question, sucking loudly, his eyes wild and laughing. This was just the kind of behaviour that irritated her the most, and he knew it.

"What are you up to House?" Cuddy demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Me?" House asked, the lollipop still in his mouth.

"Yeah. You." Cuddy responded flatly, "You've done your clinic duty all week, you haven't paid any late night visits to my House, or my office, or spray painted my car with the words. . ." she lowered her voice, "partypants, again. In fact, you've been acting, almost. . . normal. What the hell is going on?"

"I have nothing to reveal, Dr Cuddy," House said, his eyes twinkling, peering down her top, "certainly less than you do."

Cuddy's eyes glanced down at her top for a second, batting away the insult. "Well, if I find out you're – when I find out what you're doing, you'll have to pay."

House could tell she regretted her words almost as soon as she had said them. "Oooh, how? Leather, whips and a trip to the dungeon?"

She breathed slowly, deeply, as if exhaling would make him go away.

"And if you do anything to sabotage the fundraiser tonight. . . well, I'm watching you." she said, narrowing her eyes, before beginning to turn.

"No," House replied, "I'm watching you."

Her brow furrowed as she walked away, the sound of her heels echoing as she walked. House turned in the opposite direction, a sly smile forming on his features.

* * *

Thirteen ran to catch the elevator. A hand reached out from inside to stop it closing. She slowed, catching her breath as she stepped through the door, smiling.

"Hi," Cameron said, pressing the down button, "in a rush?"

"No," Thirteen replied, "I just wanted to see you."

The doors closed smoothly as Thirteen turned to face Cameron. She took only a moment to register Cameron's eyebrows rising in an expression of flirtation before she kissed her, pushing her back against the elevator wall. She wasn't sure if the newly familiar feeling of vertigo was due to the touch of Cameron's lips against her own, or the downward descent as the elevator dropped quickly on its travel.

Thirteen held Cameron's face in her hands as they kissed. She felt Cameron pull her in closer, aware that they would have only a few second before the doors opened. Cameron's hands intertwined in her hair as they reached the third floor. Thirteen pinned her wrists against the wall as they reached the second. Cameron's hips pressed against hers as they reached the first. Heart pounding, Thirteen wrenched herself apart as the door slid open. A nurse stepped inside, as Thirteen and Cameron shared a secret smile, a lingering lust still present in both of their eyes. Cameron tried to regulate her heavy breathing and calm her body as she stared ahead.

With a lurch and a smirk from Thirteen, the elevator reached the ground floor, and the ER. The nurse exited as Cameron glanced back at Thirteen, both leaving the elevator together.

"So, I forgot to say earlier," Cameron began, still breathless, "that I can pick you up at eight thirty, from yours, if you like?"

"Sure," Thirteen responded, "that sounds good. It's like the prom all over again. Only my date this time is considerably hotter. And has a lot less hair."

Cameron playfully nudged her as they walked side by side. "No patient?" she asked.

"Yeah, we do." Thirteen replied, unusually shy, "I'm gonna go get back on the elevator now."

Cameron laughed at her as she leant towards her, "I'll see you later then."

"Yeah." Thirteen responded, her face alight as she looked wistfully into Cameron's eyes.

* * *

Cameron applied the last of her make-up, looking down at her dress again. She felt confident in a way she had never felt before, because it was all for one person, she was all for one person, and that made her feel whole. She was often resentful of her beauty, despising it even; so much that every compliment had felt like a fake and sweetened insult. She had always known that there was more to her, if only someone would see it.

She had spent her life over-compensating for her looks, trying to out-shine them in every way possible, to be more intelligent, more compassionate, a better doctor. There was an undercurrent of failing with each attempt, the inexorable feeling that she would simply never be good enough. And if she was seen as good enough, she had always been certain that the real her had not been seen. She was beginning to feel changed now, as if there was an invisible force slowly eroding her insecurities.

She pulled her coat over her dress and locked her door behind her, climbing into the taxi waiting outside.

As she sat back in her seat, her thoughts returned again to Thirteen. She felt a longing for her company, a bittersweet constant in the events of her day. It was always there, in the back of her mind, how much she was losing. Every moment she gained something she knew she would lose it, in the end. Her life was becoming richer and fuller every day with the spices of love, trust, an ephemeral hope; but it was marred by the greys of her past and their future. She hid her paralysing fear somewhere deep inside, as she knew Thirteen did, and suppressed its cry of despair. The present was about living, she reminded herself daily, the future kept its secrets.

She wiped away the blur of condensation on the windows as the taxi pulled up at Thirteen's apartment. She felt a small jolt of nervous anticipation as she ascended the steps and rang the doorbell.

Thirteen was a haze of green and satin as she opened the door. Once again, Cameron felt her mind reel at the sight, at the drop of the dress as it clung to the arch and curve of her body.

Thirteen's mouth dropped. She hadn't seen Cameron's dress yet. She felt herself blinking rapidly as she tried to take in the image; Cameron's gold hair falling on the ink black of her dress, the thin straps exposing her soft collarbone in the way that she loved.

"You look amazing." Thirteen said as she inhaled slowly, her eyes never leaving Cameron.

"So do you," Cameron replied, her eyes twinkling, "My prom date was definitely not as beautiful."

She placed a chaste kiss on Thirteen's lips, revelling in the sensation as she thought again how much she loved her.

"Are you ready?" Cameron asked.

"I've never been more ready." Thirteen smiled.

* * *

Wilson was speechless. His mouth dropped as he stared incredulously at the walls of the corridor leading to the ER, every double door displaying the same picture.

"Cuddy," he said with shock and awe, "is going to kill you."

House smirked. "I know."

"Literally," Wilson replied, "with her bare hands."

House grinned devilishly, "Just wait 'til you see the party room."

* * *

Thirteen wasn't sure which she noticed first, the posters plastered all over the walls, or Cuddy's shrill screaming. She looked at Cameron beside her, her mouth open in amazed shock just like her own.

"How. . ?" Thirteen stuttered. "How. . ?"

She sighed deeply as she took in the images on the wall. Printed across huge pictures of herself and Cameron kissing passionately were the words, "Give us a call Dr Cuddy, you were great. Three really is better than two."

As they walked forwards, she saw Cuddy, screaming at House.

"And making the hospital foot the bill for an _outrageous_ stunt like this warrants immediate dismissal. I have never been so angry in my life, House." she cried, clearly fuming.

"Well you've certainly never been as hot." he replied jovially.

Cuddy appeared to be speechless. She closed her eyes, and Thirteen thought she saw her shaking.

"You will do forty extra hours of clinic duty a month for six months." she trembled, before catching sight of Cameron and Thirteen.

She walked up to them, nudging past House as she did so. "Dr Hadley, Dr Cameron, I apologise for this. . . absolute. . . this, I am so sorry. It appears that House thought it would be funny to have his pet dog follow you and take pictures and make extremely large copies of. . . well, you can see."

She continued, "I can completely understand if you want to leave. We're trying to take them down but they're stuck with super glue. You're lucky there aren't many people here yet." she added flatly.

Cameron and Thirteen looked at each other. Both were at a loss for words. Cameron knew she ought to be angry but something inside of her wanted to laugh. As she looked at Thirteen, she thought she saw a similar glint in her eyes. Before she knew it they had both collapsed into a silent fit of hysterical laughter. Cuddy seemed taken aback.

Cameron fought to talk as tears rolled down her face, "Sorry Dr Cuddy, I don't know what's come over us, it's just that it's, well, it's quite funny."

"I must say I'm a little surprised at you Cameron," Cuddy said incredulously, "you don't normally let House get away with this kind of thing. Or you, Dr Hadley."

"I know," Thirteen replied, shaking away her laughter, "I think that's why he keeps doing it."

"Well in that case, if you'll excuse me, I have some poster removal to oversee. . ." Cuddy replied, still apparently angry, but as she turned away, Thirteen thought she caught the hint of a smile on her lips.

"I can't actually believe this is happening." Cameron said, looking at Thirteen.

"Me neither. But I don't think I care." Thirteen replied, "I don't care if people know we're together, they'll probably think it's just a joke anyway."

Cameron smiled at her, "Do you know what?" she said, "I don't care either."

She took Thirteen's hand as they sat down at a table, watching and laughing at the reactions of people entering the party room.

* * *

Cameron unlocked her apartment door, fumbling with the catch due to the buzz of the wine, the high of being exposed, and being around Thirteen.

She laid the keys on the kitchen counter, the sound echoing in the silence.

"So," Cameron said, "that was quite a night."

"Yeah, it really was." Thirteen replied. "And the worst thing is, we're not gonna be able to sneak around at work any more, someone's bound to see us."

"Oh, I don't know. . ." Cameron added michevously, "subtle is my middle name."

"Not in that dress it isn't." Thirteen whispered, dangerously low, as she moved closer to Cameron.

The atmosphere was charged, heated, flirtatious, as it had been all night. Cameron felt her fingertips reach out of their own accord, to stroke the side of Thirteen's face, and down to her lips. She ran her thumb over Thirteen's bottom lip, looking into her eyes. She trailed her hand over her neck and lightly over her breast onto the green satin. She could see the lust in Thirteen as she moved lower and lower, her own breathing rapidly increasing with anticipation.

She found the hem of Thirteen's dress, and slowly slid her hand underneath, and up her soft thigh. Thirteen drew closer, until they were only inches apart.

Cameron spoke softly, "Do you know what turned me on the most?" She paused, her hand sliding higher and stopping, "That everyone in that room knew I was allowed to touch you like this."

She could see warmth filling Thirteen, something more than pure lust. They spent a moment just looking at each other, re-connecting, before their lips met in a fervent kiss. Thirteen's hands reached around Cameron's waist, pulling her to her. She slid her hands upwards, until they reached the top of Cameron's dress, and skimmed the black material down over her shoulders.

She broke her lips away only to kiss Cameron's neck and breasts, before slipping the dress all the way down, over Cameron's hips until it pooled on the floor. Her eyes shone with awe as she gazed at Cameron's body, her eyes following every curve as if they were holy.

Cameron's hands reached for her face to pull her into another searing kiss, yet more heated. Cameron's hand moved to the back of Thirteen's neck, pulling her in further. They moved clumsily to the sofa, hands and mouths touching skin desperately. Thirteen gasped as she felt Cameron slide her own dress down, the satin gliding over her skin in one smooth motion.

Cameron pressed her into the sofa, kissing down her body, over her slender, defined, waist, and over the ridges of her hipbones. She placed kiss after kiss on her centre until Thirteen was gasping with pleasure, her hands stroking Cameron's shoulders as Cameron touched her in the perfect place again and again, Cameron's name on her lips as she came.

Cameron kissed her tenderly as she regained her breath, her eyes wide and shining.

"Come here." Thirteen whispered as she kissed Cameron again, moving over her and placing a trail of hot, breathy kisses over her breasts and stomach, and hovering above her core. Cameron caught a small smile on Thirteen's face before she gasped at the sensations overtaking her body. She let Thirteen overwhelm her, her body giving in to her touch, moaning her name as the world fell apart.

Thirteen held her face in her hand as she kissed her again. "I hope Lucas isn't anywhere near," she laughed.

Cameron pulled Thirteen next to her, her arm wrapping around her back to hold her close. There was a look on Thirteen's face like the one when she had first known she loved her. A mix of tenderness, awe, a touch of heartbreak. As Thirteen laid her hand over Cameron's heart, smiling at her with a wonderment, and Cameron placed her own on top, she knew her face said the same.

* * *

**I'll try not to be too long with an update! Many thanks to you all for your generous support and for staying with the story.**


	10. Suspended in a Sunbeam

**A/N:** Thank you for the lovely reviews, they make my day! Sorry this update has been so long, I've been busy…

**Chapter 10**

Cameron wore a look of extreme concentration, her eyes steadily gazing through the lenses of her glasses. She typed sporadically as she glanced to and from her notes, pausing only to sip from the cup of coffee on the table beside her.

She jumped as she felt a pair of arms stretch out over her shoulders from behind, encircling her, and relaxed into their familiarity as Thirteen kissed the side of her face.

"You're up early," Thirteen spoke into her hair as she kissed her neck tenderly.

"I know," Cameron laughed lightly at the sensation, goosebumps appearing on her skin, "I had to get same work done. I'm almost finished though."

"Good," Thirteen replied, "because you know what today is, don't you?"

Cameron turned in Thirteen's arms to look at her. "What's today?" she asked.

Thirteen smiled mischievously. "Today is decorating day."

Cameron grinned, leaning backwards to gain a better perspective. "Which explains why you're wearing…"

"Yeah," Thirteen laughed. They both looked downwards, their eyes taking in the sight of Thirteen dressed only in an oversized white shirt and panties, and nothing more.

"I think we should do this more often," Cameron said earnestly.

"Hmm, I don't know," Thirteen looked serious for a moment, "I seem to be the only one upholding my end of the bargain."

"That can all change," Cameron replied, her eyes twinkling.

"Yeah?" Thirteen asked. "Okay, but we'd better put some clothes on first because we have to go and buy some paint."

"Ah, we would need paint, wouldn't we?" Cameron said, her eyes still on Thirteen's legs.

"Definitely," Thirteen replied, still smiling as she walked away into the bedroom.

"Can't we go… in a minute?" Cameron called after her, getting up out of her seat.

"No." Thirteen's voice responded, muffled by the distance.

* * *

"Is there a difference between Vanilla White and Chiffon Silk?" Cameron asked, perplexed, holding a sample of each.

Thirteen looked at her.

"What?" Cameron asked, the smile slipping quickly from her face.

Thirteen's eyes were bright but her expression serious; Cameron though it a revelatory look, as if she'd just discovered something for the first time.

"I never thought I would have all of this," Thirteen said softly.

"Paint samples?" Cameron asked lightly, knowing what she meant.

"You. Everything. A life worth having." Thirteen's eyes shone with a kind of fervour, a light. She felt as if she had been in a dark place, yet the hope found there was more poignant than hope found anywhere else. It was that much more bruising, that much more wounding. She understood what writers and poets had mused over for centuries. The infinite, beautiful pain in love; in a completeness of being; including all its roughness and imperfection. There was no stopping it. She had tried to cut love out of her life and had found it in the most unexpected of places.

"Neither did I," Cameron stated gently.

"You know, I never thought it was for me, I didn't think I was one of those people who would ever have this."

"I know," Cameron replied, reaching out and squeezing her hand, "but you do. The one thing about life is that it never fails to surprise."

"Yeah, I guess it does."

Thirteen thought back to the time when she had told House that if you ran out of questions, you ran out of hope. She had been wrong, she realised. If you ran out of questions, you kept making more, and answering more; and it was impossible to run out of hope because there were an endless number of questions out there, an endless number of possibilities. Always a new horizon; and life threw at you chances whether you asked for them or not.

"Okay, so which one do you want?" Cameron asked, breaking her reverie.

"I think… I want yellow."

Cameron looked a little surprised, "Yellow?"

"Definitely," Thirteen replied.

"Okay, but which one?" Cameron sighed, pointing at a dozen shades of yellow.

They paid at the checkout, stealing glances at each other, as they still did when in front of others. Neither was yet familiar with each other in public, as comfortable as they were privately in each other's presence. They both felt the excitement of it, with their secret now revealed. They held hands and smiled at the lady at the checkout, who was evidently trying to suppress a grin.

They loaded the car with their purchases, the paint pots and brushes, and began the drive back to Thirteen's apartment. Thirteen parked the car and refused to let Cameron carry the paint. She was sufficiently amused at Cameron opening every door for her in a most un-Cameron like manner.

Dropping the bags on the floor of the apartment, they just stared around at the room, and then at each other.

"Where do we begin?" Thirteen asked.

"Okay, so we put the sheets over the sofa and floor. But first we have to move the sofa into the middle of the room, right?" Cameron suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Thirteen laughed, "We can diagnose a patient but have trouble painting a room!"

Cameron laughed at her, before rolling up her sleeves.

"Okay, you take this end and I'll take that one."

They manoeuvred the sofa into the centre of the room, both struggling a little with the weight. After spreading the sheets over the floor, Cameron paused and approached Thirteen, and began hugging her tightly.

"What was that for?" Thirteen asked, holding Cameron.

"I don't know." Cameron said quietly, before looking up at Thirteen, still in her arms, "but I think it's time for you to change clothes…"

Thirteen laughed, "Well, if I have to change, you have to change." She pulled Cameron by the hand into the bedroom, and threw her a shirt to wear.

They both changed, neither looking at one another. They turned around at the same time, eyes widened.

"This is gonna be a lot of fun," Thirteen said as she gazed at Cameron, her eyes taking in the long, smooth expanse of toned skin.

"Hey, don't get any ideas, we have a lot of work to do," Cameron said innocently.

The yellow turned out to be tasteful, of which they were both glad, considering they had chosen a random shade and hoped for the best. Thirteen prised open the paint pots and handed Cameron a brush. She poured some into a tray and took a roller herself, and they began to cover the walls.

Halfway along painting the edge of one wall, Cameron looked over at Thirteen, amused at the concentration on her face; similar to her diagnostic look. She grinned as she flicked paint at Thirteen, who looked back at her with shock, her mouth open wide.

"I can't believe you did that," she exclaimed, before grabbing a brush and flicking Cameron back.

What had started fairly innocently quickly escalated into a paint war. Flicking turned to throwing and throwing turned to pouring. They both collapsed onto each other, laughing, their shirts covered in yellow, and smudges of paint all over them. They kissed amid the laughter, breathlessly, Cameron's hand placed on Thirteen's chest affectionately; Thirteen's hand on Cameron's face.

The painting took two more hours, along with the re-arranging of the furniture and new accessories for the room.

"Allison, are you hungry?" Thirteen asked from one side of the room.

Cameron stopped to think. "Yeah, I am actually."

"Okay, I'll cook something, yeah?"

"Sure, do you need some help?" Cameron asked.

"Only if you want to," Thirteen replied, as she entered the kitchen.

"I like watching you cook," Cameron replied, following her, "especially dressed like that."

Thirteen smirked as she started preparing vegetables.

"I'm thinking about doing a paper," Cameron said, leaning back against the counter.

"Really? What about?" Thirteen asked, as began to cook the vegetables.

"Well, just an incidence report really."

"Incidence of what?" Thirteen asked, interested.

"Well, we're such a large ER, I think we'd be able to contribute valuable data for a study that's going on at the moment. You know Davidson, at Stanford? He's doing an investigation into the prevalence of female domestic violence in alcohol related incidents – you know, trying to get some real figures."

"Hmm, that's an area with limited data so far," Thirteen said, "What's his approach?"

They continued talking about work while cooking. When the meal was ready, they took it into the living room.

"Maybe we should sit on the floor?" Cameron suggested, looking down at their paint-covered selves.

"Good idea," Thirteen replied, sitting down on the sheet.

Cameron glanced at the darkening window as it started to rain, sitting down opposite Thirteen.

"It never stops, does it?" she asked.

"It doesn't seem to," Thirteen replied, "but then it gets to summer and you can't even remember when it wasn't a hundred degrees."

Cameron smiled, "It's strange how quickly things fade sometimes."

Thirteen looked across at her, their eyes meeting for a second.

"But then," Cameron continued, "some things that you thought you couldn't remember any more come back to you more suddenly than you could ever expect. As real and vibrant as if you were living them all over again…" she paused.

"And you're back there," Thirteen spoke softly, "for a moment, in that place. A sight or a smell or a touch and you're there, more real than when you were living it even."

Cameron smiled at her sadly, before clearing the plates away. She returned to find Thirteen lying on the floor, her hands behind her head, watching the rain fall down the window pane. Cameron switched a lamp on, its light illuminating the freshly painted walls with a warm glow.

"I like the colour," Cameron observed.

"So do I," Thirteen replied, "it feels warm. I think this is a place I'd like to spend time now. Instead of wanting to be anywhere but here."

"Me too," Cameron responded, lying down next to Thirteen and laying her head on her chest, wrapping her arm over her stomach. Thirteen removed one of her hands from under her head and stroked Cameron's arm, thinking.

"Maybe you should think about spending more time here," Thirteen said casually.

Cameron looked up at her.

"I mean," Thirteen continued, "What do you think about moving in?"

Cameron smiled shyly, interlinking her fingers with Thirteen's. "Yeah. I'd like that."

"We don't have to rush anything," Thirteen said, "Whenever you want."

She could hear the rain outside, and it seemed so far away. The silken threads sped downwards, slowly at first as they hit the pane, then more rapidly as they felt the effects of gravity. Tears from the sky, Cameron thought, and thought then that they were a symbol of the world's sadness. There must be a collective pool up there in the sky somewhere, she thought, just waiting for that final tear before it overflowed. An image of Thirteen entered her mind, on the night where she had found her in the rain, standing in the middle of her living room like an island.

She stroked Thirteen's stomach lightly. "You're more real to me than anything I've ever known," she said, "as surreal as this all is. I want this to be more than just a memory. How do we do that, Remy?"

"I don't know," Thirteen replied sadly, "we make sure we feel it everyday, I guess, we remind ourselves, we don't let our lives fade into routine, normality. It has to be more than that, I think."

"I think it is already," Cameron said.

* * *

**I shall try not to be too long with an update! Feedback is much appreciated :)  
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